The Failure Crew Starring In:
Written by Dr Screwupalot
- Mike AKA Failman
- Matt AKA Unsuccessful Boy
- George AKA Dr Screwupalot
- Lee AKA Sir Notdowell
- Mr T
- Dr Failenstein
Chapter 1: The Creepy Prologue Bit. Ooooooooh
In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit... shit, wrong book. Ok, ok, let’s see here, The Hobbit, Pride and Prejudice – don’t know why the fuck I own that, Knights of the Failed Table – why did I write that crap again? Ah, here we are, Winnie the Pooh.
Thunder echoed through the skies as the bolt of lightening struck the old castle. The booming sound could be heard even in the dungeons. As the sounds from the sky died down and faded into nothing, a sharp cackle could be heard from the deepest of the deep dark rooms in the centuries old building. It had once belonged to a mighty King, but now was owned – or rather possessed – by a decrepit old doctor intent on bringing the dead back to life.
As the laughter went on, lightening struck the tower at the top of the castle, and ran through the super conductors.
A long-fingered, bony hand reached out and threw a lever attached to an incredible looking machine, and the bolts of energy from the heavens launched from the conductors to the large, organic – but thankfully dead – creature strapped to the table. The “thankfully dead” creature’s heart began to beat, as shown on the doctor’s heart monitor. Brainwaves showed as normal, the creature was breathing. It was –
“Alive!” the doctor screamed. “It’s alive!”
“Not so fast, Dr!” a voice called from the door, which had flown open. In the doorway stood a tall young boy, although he was half collapsed where he stood, clearly drunk.
The doctor gasped. “Failman!”
“Huh? Oh, what, yeah, that’s me, isn’t it?” Failman stammered under his breath. He dropped the vodka bottle he’d been holding in his hand and it clattered to the floor. There was nothing inside to spill. “Prepare to-“
Failman collapsed on the floor in a heap, as the alcohol had finally gotten to him.
When Mike awoke the next morning, the horrid stench of Doctor Suckmynut’s corpse made him gag. He silently cursed under his breath, and got up to leave. As he stood, a card that had been left on his unconscious body fluttered to the floor. Noticing it, he picked it up to see what it was. It was Failman’s nightmare: