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The Knights of the Failed Table
By George.

The Failure Crew Starring In:

The Knights of the Failed Table
Written By George Phillips AKA Beavis Core AKA Dr Screwupalot


The Knights of the Failed Table

The War on England

Chapter 1: The Failed Table

The land of Failos was indeed a country befitting of its name. The economy was in ruins, the country was in debt, the currency (the fail) was worth nothing, and the country's military was in shambles. Wait, no - that would be an insult to shambles across the globe. God bless shambles. At least, bless them compared to Failos's military. Geez, I'd choose shambles any day. Anyone who wouldn't choose shambles over the Failos military needs to die.

So yeah, Failos sucks. But the suckiest part of Failos, that sucks above all other sucky things that Failos sucks at, is its monarchy. The leaders of the entire nation were known worldwide as the Failure Crew. Such a worthless, pathetic group of people had never existed before, to mankind's knowledge. This is the story of their most infamous failure, the knights of the failed table.

"Mike! Mike! I learnt to read!" Lee burst into the room holding his 'my first ABC' book high above his head. He ran to the throne where Mike was sat, and began to dance in a hideously embarrassing manner.
"What is it, Lee?" Mike asked. "And for God's sake, stop dancing!" "Dancing? I'm having a seizure, you fool!" Lee collapsed to the floor, and began writhing about, shaking like a leaf. After calming Lee down and helping to his feet, Mike had him explain the current excitement. "I learnt to read, Mike!" Lee happily declared.
"That's great!" exclaimed the happy King of Failos. "Care to give me an example?" Lee opened the book and began to read.
"If camel is under and cardboard box when pigeon can with chair."
"Erm, Lee, that reads 'The cat sat on the mat'." Mike corrected him.
"Hmm, I guess I can't read so well after all." Lee sighed. "I guess I won't need to show George and Matt, will I?"
"Right now, I'm wishing they never existed," growled Mike through gritted teeth.
"Why, what did they do?"
"They decided it would be fun to put a red sock in my white laundry. Now all of my clothes are pink."

Meanwhile, in the dungeons of castle Failalot...

Matt and George were hung upside down in the dungeon. They were giggling like little schoolgirls. However, they failed to actually sound like schoolgirls, and instead sounded like some kind of dying frog.
"That was so funny!" chocked Matt. "You should have seen the look on his face!"
"I did! I was there!" laughed George. "Hey, my head feels like it's going to explode!"
"That would be the blood rushing to your brain."
"Oh yeah!" George sighed.
"Good times," said Matt. The two burst into hysterical laughter again, before falling unconscious.

Meanwhile, in a nearby country called England...

"Queen Elizabeth 2, telephone for you, your majness." The servant announced.
"Sweeeeet!" bellowed the Queen. "That is so 1337. Thank you Osama Bin Laden." Elizabeth took the phone from him and held it to her ear. "Who is it?"
"Yo yo yo!" Mike yelled down the phone.
"Mikey, my man! 'Sup nigger?" The Queen cheerfully replied.
"Nothing much, baby," said Mike. "Just failing as usual. What about England?"
"Ah, we're so fucked," sighed her majesty. "Blair's fucking us over."
"That bastard," Mike growled angrily. "Well Lee is fucking me over, but I have to say I kinda like it."
"I'm getting bad mental images, fo' shizzle."
"I'm sorry. Anyway, I have a favour to ask."
"Sure thing dog, you name it," Liz chirped happily.
"We need money."
"Fuck off."
"Aw, Lizzie, darling, surely you can send something!?" Mick asked. The Queen sighed.
"I'll do you one favour," she said. "I'll send you my favourite advisor. He'll sort your country out. I think you need him more than I do."
"You mean you'll send Osama Bin Laden?"
"No, not him."
"Surely not Saddam Hussein?"
"No, not him either."
"Who then?"

The Knights of the Failed Table
Part 2

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