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A Short Tale of the MineSweeper Kind!
By 'Bahamut'.

Minesweeper Part 2: Minesleeper

Chapter 1: Lee-Yoshi getz a new computer.

For months, Lee was haunted by devilish dreams of the smiley face man whom he had condemned to an eternity trapped inside the motherboard of his computer. He had failed to clear the minesweeper grid successfully and this was the price he paid. Every night the yellow face with x’s for eyes invaded his dreams and threatened him. Such threats included "I will have my revenge." "I am going to pwn you." And of course, his favourite "You’re a fucking queenie."

One night, these nightmares got so unbearable that Lee decided he would do whatever possible to stop Mr Smiley from entering his dreams. In the morning, he awoke; as usual he was terrified from his nightmares. It didn’t take him long to spring to his feet and get changed. He knew exactly what he was going to do today - he was going to PC world to buy a new computer to replace his old one (his theory was that if he could get his old PC far away from his home and replace it then he would no longer be haunted in his sleep, it’s not a particularly good theory, but hey - he’s an idiot). He left his house after brushing his teeth and having a quick bowl of frosties. Lee didn’t need to lock the door on the way out because he didn’t have a door.

Lee knew that getting to PC world wouldn’t be easy; he had no car or money, or friends to take him. He decided not to walk either, as it was too far a journey to travel with no shoes. After much thought, he decided to sneak aboard the 97 bus.

Lee jumped in the bus successfully, he quickly walked to the top floor without being seen - it was fairly empty. He noticed a smelly old bum slumped in one of the seats. "Hi Mike" he greeted him before sitting down. After around 20 minutes he reached his destination, 'Porn are us' his favourite store in the entire world, after purchasing a few items he proceeded to PC world on the next bus.

Upon entrance to PC world, Lee was almost decapitated by the sliding doors. But he did make it to the computer section safely. A queer looking salesman with long blond hair greeted him. "Hello.... Sir, my name is Tony. How may I help you?"
Lee-Yoshi replied, "I would like to purchase a new computer". The salesman then led him to a selection of high tech computers.
"How much are you willing to spend?" Tony asked, rather queerly.
"£2.95" Stated Lee proudly.
"That is not quite enough - although we do have one computer within your price range" said Tony.
"Great!" said Lee gleefully. He let the salesman lead him to the back of the store where this computer was located. He peered around the corner expectedly to check out the computer. It was an apple Macintosh. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Lee, his voice echoed throughout the store.

Chapter 2: Lee-Yoshi getz a surprise

Luckily, Lee did not have to return home with the shitty apple Mac. He had agreed with Tony the salesmen a fee of £2.95 + a few porn magazines would be enough to cover the expenses of a mid-range PC.

Upon reaching his house Lee carried his new PC to the room that housed his old one. He pulled all of the leads loose and carried the old PC to the front of his house where he sat on it, and farted. The PC broke immediately and burst into flames and then disintegrated into the earth... never to be seen again. After, Lee returned to his house and installed his new PC, he quickly went to the game section and browsed from top to bottom. He saw a list of games 'Hearts, Pinball, Solitaire, Tweenies have fun, Freecell' half way down the list he saw the game. 'Minesweeper' he said, even the name of the game struck fear into his very soul. Lee deleted the whole game from the computers’ hard drive. Now he could sleep in peace. Or so he thought.

The clock then struck 6pm. "Time for beddy-byes!" said Lee. He climbed into his bed looking forward to a good nights sleep. He yawned, and then after several minutes his eyes slowly closed and he drifted off into his nightmares again.

Chapter 3: Mindsweeper

Lee’s last thought before he drifted to sleep was about whether or not he would encounter the smiley face tonight. However, part of him knew that Mr Smiley face would return, and he did.

Lee dreamt he was standing in the middle of a long dark hallway. He glanced over to each end of the hallway and noticed they seemed to have no end - they just led into further darkness. Just then, a terrifying voice boomed throughout the hallway. "Good evening, Lee" it said. "Do you know who I am?"
Lee’s legs started to shake and he stuttered "Mr.. S..s..s..smiley?" "That’s right!" Boomed the squeakily evil voice of Lee’s nemesis. "You thought you could get rid of me, eh?"
"N..n..n..o. I" Begun Lee.
"SILENCE!" came Mr smiley’s voice once again. "You knew the dangers of minesweeper" but you played it anyway! You should have stuck to solitaire, you newbie!"
"That’s enough!" Shouted Lee. "I can live in fear of you no longer! I challenge you to one last game of minesweeper, to settle this once and for all!"
Mr Smiley replied, "You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this. Walk forward down the hall, to your doom!"

Lee took a conveniently placed torch off the wall and gripped it tightly in his right hand. He then continued slowly down the hall. Lee reached a door after a few minutes of walking. He pushed the door and it squeaked open. Before entering the next room, Lee took a deep breath and prepared himself for the worst.

The door slammed shut as soon as Lee had entered the room. Mr Smiley was pivoting back and forth at the opposite end of the small room, his eyes were shrouded in darkness, but Lee knew it was him. Mr Smiley slid forward and looked directly at Lee.

"Look at me Lee! LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE!!!!" Demanded Mr Smiley, laughing maniacally. Lee summoned all of his courage and raised his gaze to meet Mr Smile’ys eyes, they were bleeding x’s and the whole of Mr Smiley’s round body was looking badly burnt.

"Mr Smiley, I challenge thee to a game of... Minesweeper!" Lee said, trying to sound cool and failing miserably.
"I accept. Prepare yourself Lee; because this is no ordinary game, this game will be played inside your very mind! If you win, I am banished forever. If you lose, your soul is destroyed and I will claim your mind and body!"

The entire room started to shake and the ceiling vanished, shortly after the floor shot into the air, carrying Mr Smiley and Lee with it. They must have been raised hundreds of feet into the air because Lee was getting extremely dizzy.

Mr Smiley bounced into the air and assumed his position at the top of the grid. "This is it Lee, once I explain the rules, your final game of minesweeper will begin!"

Chapter 4: Let the games begin!

"There is much more to this game than just clicking on squares." Explained Mr Smiley. "You see before you 64 stone columns, each one is 9 square feet, there is a gap of 3 feet between each one. If you fall, or jump on a column which contains a mine, you lose everything. Do you understand this?"

"No." replied Lee in a somewhat stupid tone "..but I’ll give it a go, after all... what do I have to lose?"

"Then, begin! There is no time limit. I’ll be watching from above" Said Mr Smiley as he hovered above the central column to watch Lee play ‘Mindsweeper’.

Lee’s whole body was shaking but he knew it was now of nothing. The column he was standing on had a large '1' displayed on it. This meant that one of the 3 adjacent columns contained a mine. He gathered up all of his courage and took one huge leap onto the diagonal pillar. There was complete silence for a second and then Lee looked down to see that the pillar he jumped too also displayed a '1'. A slighty more confident Lee jumped diagonal once again in the same direction. He landed with a thump on his fat arse. However, once again he was safe. This time he heard a loud noise as he got to his feet. Some of the columns near him began to change into '0', '1', '2' and '3', he had just revealed half of the grid! Identifying where all the mines were should be a lot easier now, Lee thought to himself.

Mr Smiley watched confidently from above as Lee leapt across several '0' marked columns (these meant that none of the adjacent columns contained mines). As Lee continued to identify where the mines were, he noticed a familiar pattern of numbers revealed on 3 columns. '2-1-2' he said. Lee gasped, he had just realised that this was the exact same game that he had failed to complete the last time he played!

"DAMN YOU MR SMILEY, DAMN YOU TO HELL!" screamed Lee at the top of his lungs.



A Short Tale of the MineSweeper Kind...
Part 3


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