Rise of the P.E.R.M. Empire
By 'Bahamut'.
Chapter 2: 'H' is for homeless
George had been quiet for a long amount of time; in fact, he hadn’t uttered a word since they had left the house. The group had walked down to the local park and begun throwing small stones at a dumpster. "As much as I enjoy throwing rocks at things, shouldn’t we be looking for place to spend the night?" inquired George. Michael looked surprised.
"We’re not just randomly throwing rocks you moron! I’m trying to wake up a friend." Michael pointed through the darkness to the green dumpster. "My buddy Kuno lives in there, he might let us stay the night in his dumpster, for the low, low price of 7 and a half minutes of anal sex."
"No thanks." Replied George. "My pooper has seen enough action this week."
"Well where else are we going to stay?" demanded Michael. The failure crew took a seat on a wooden bench to decide on what to do, all except for Matt who was scribbling furiously in his diary. He had somehow recovered it before they were thrown out of ‘Chateau Le Fail’. Matthew seldom let the diary out of his sight; none of the other members knew what he wrote inside it.
The failure crew thought hard about what to do, seven hours later, Lee noticed the sun was rising - it was dawn already. This gave Lee an idea.
"We can mug some 8 year old school kids to get money for a hotel!"
"Lee, that’s a great idea!" Exclaimed George. Michael and Matt also commended Lee on his brilliant thinking. With that, the failure crew set of east to an area of the city populated with schools. Unfortunately, the city the crew resided in (Loserville) had an abysmal education record; it was difficult to find some kids who were actual attending school.
George was the one who spotted the two 8-year-olds on their way to school. The crew quickly surrounded them. "Your money, or your life!" barked George to the young boys, trying to sound cool, but failing in a way that only a member of the failure crew could. After being beat up by the kids, the failure crew lay bleeding in the middle of the street. Fortunately, the arrival of Michael Jackson scared the young boys away, the crew were saved. Lee watched the boys get chased down the road by MJ. "Phew, that was a close one. But we still have no money! We’re doomed!"
*dramatic music plays again*
Just when things looked at the worst, an unexpected twist happened! A mysterious voice boomed from behind the failure crew. "Yo fool’s, whatcha doin’ sittin’ in the street like that?" The crew all turned at once... and were surprised to find, standing behind them... Mr T!
"Mr T! We’re homeless and have just been beaten up." Explained Matt.
"Get on ya feet boys. You can stay with me at my hotel ‘til you find a house. I’m shooting a movie in town, it’s a cross over between 'Rocky' and “Final Fantasy”. It’s called “Final Rockity VII – 2. I’m playing the parts of Barret and Marlene, fool!”
Relief spread across the face of the failure crew. “Thank you Mr T, you’re my hero!” said Lee.
The other members also complimented him;
“God bless you Mr T!”
“We love you!”
“I want your babies!”
The latter comment was from George.
“To the T-mobile!” said Mr T. The failure crew hopped inside Mr T’s 4 by 4 and let him drive them to the hotel he was staying at. Once they had settled into their rooms, Lee planned to make some calls to find out more about this “Helmut Fondler”. Lee was certain he had paid all of his bills. Something strange was going on. Who was this mysterious German man? Lee didn’t know it yet, but he and his friends were about to uncover a giant conspiracy, involving perms, and hentai. Join him in the next chapter; it will be much better than this one.
Rise of the P.E.R.M. Empire
Part 3
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