Rise of the P.E.R.M. Empire
By 'Bahamut'.
Chapter 5: Something happens at the end of this chapter
This chapter is brought to you by http://chocoberry.org/oekaki - the best site in the world.
“Oh, and my brother is dead!” said Mike. Lee and George rushed into the room to see for themselves, sure enough Simon was lying on the floor, a blow to the back of his head had killed him. Just that second, Matthew walked into the room. “What’s up guys?” he said.
“Michaels brother has been brutally beaten!” explained George.
“But who could have done this?!” asked Matt
“I shall solve this mystery!” stated Mike “I read lots of Sherlock Holmes books when I was younger.”
“You can’t even read!” said Lee
“This is true.” Said Mike “Pfft, I suppose you could to better Lee?”
“It just so happens I know exactly who did it! Gather everyone up in the lobby and I will gradually solve the crime in a suspenseful manner.” Lee walked over to examine the body further while the others walked out of the room and down the stairs to the lobby. Lee decided to look at the video tape later, and followed his fellow crew down to the lobby, where the suspects were waiting.
Gathered in the lobby were: Mike, Matt, George, Mr T, Suama the hobo who spent all of her money of a wang operation, Mr Smiley, a bucket of KFC and of course, Lee.
“Well, we all know why we’re here.” Lee’s voice echoed loudly throughout the lobby. “One of us in this room, is the murderer of Simon Jenkins!”
*gasp*
Lee paced across the dimly lit room from person to person. “But what possible motives could you all have?” Lee walked over to George. “The murderer could be George.”
George’s face went red “That’s preposterous!”
“Is it?” asked Lee. “Maybe you were so unhappy with your insignificant role in the story that you threw a rock into Simon’s head in an attempt to be caught and therefore increasing your significantsy in this story!”
“You have a good point, George’s character is so boring there is really no reason for him to be here.” Added Mike
“These accusations are stupid! I’m perfectly happy with my role.” Replied George.
“You are quite correct sir, besides you could not have been the murderer since you were with Mike and I at the time. Which brings me to my next suspect… Mr T!”
*gasp*
“What chu talkin’ ‘bout fool?”
“Isn’t it true you and Simon have had your fair share of quarrels in the past?”
“I’ve never even met him you jackass fool! I’m just here for comedy value. Fool.”
“Quite right Mr T, and may I say you are a valuable asset to this story.” Said Lee “How was your movie by the way?”
“Not to good fool. The financing fell through so I have no reason to be here anymore. But I’ll stay just to keep the sucker fools reading this story.”
The room went silent for a while until Lee spoke again. “Well, we have established that Mr T and George are not the murderers. But what about… THE BUCKET OF KFC?!”
*gasp*
The whole room turned to face the bucket of Kentucky-fried chicken, to find that it was missing. Upon further investigation it was found that Suama the hobo had eaten it all, including the bucket, and Mr Smiley. “AHA. It all becomes clear. The KFC and Mr Smiley were both witnesses to the murder, so Suama disposed of them to prevent them talking!” said Lee.
Suama the hobo replied only with a burp. However it was found that she was not the guilty one because she had only just appeared randomly a few minutes ago.
“Lee, you have accused everyone in this room except Matthew and myself. If you get it wrong one more time I’m going to solve it myself!” said Mike.
“Fear not, oh mighty Failman. I will now reveal the true murderer.” Replied Lee. “After pudding.”
So, after a few bowls of pudding, Lee proceeded to solve the mystery. “The murderer… can only be someone vicious, someone angry, someone who fails a lot. Someone who was left alone while his only 3 friends ditched him. The murderer is Matt!”
*gasps are heard all round*
“Well solved Lee, but how to you manage such a feat?” questioned George, trying to become of somewhat significance to the scene.
“Well, dear George. It was all in the research. You see, my first clue came when I took a sneak-peek into Matt’s diary.” Lee picked the diary out of his pocket and opened it to somewhere in the middle, and spoke.
“You see people. There are two square boxes on this page. The one next to ‘Kill Michaels brother Simon with a blow to the head.’ is ticked. The second box saying ‘Hide diary to conceal evidence’ has not yet been ticked off. We can only conclude that Matthew is the murderer. However, since Matthew is of vital importance to our crew for reasons unknown, we will not prosecute him.”
So the mystery was solved, and Simon’s body was respectfully disposed off and served a few hours later at ‘The Cod Father’ chip shop.
*several puddings later*
“Well.” Said Mike. “I guess there’s nothing left to do but watch that video tape of Mellor’s death.”
The other members of the failure crew nodded solemnly.
“I’ll get the popcorn.” Said Lee.
Rise of the P.E.R.M. Empire
Part 6
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