The Knights of the Failed Table
By George Phillips AKA Beavis Core AKA Dr Screwupalot.
Chapter 4: How did THEY get on Brazil's national football team!?!
"Brazil!?!" screamed Mike. "Why the fuck are we in Brazil!?!"
"Cos none of us brought a compass, remember?" asked Matt.
"Ah, yes, I failed to realize that," Mike confessed. "Now, how do we get out of Brazil?"
"What would Mr T do?" Lee asked.
"He'd pity the fool," said George.
"Hmm," Mike muttered. "Well that won't help us a lot. What would E.T do?"
"He'd phone home," Matt said. "But we have no money. Those Brazilian children just pick-pocketed us."
Lee drew his sword.
"Knights of the failed table, attack!" he yelled.
"Ahem, excuse me, Lee," Mike interrupted, "but I give the orders around here."
"Ah, yes," said Lee, lowering his sword. "What are your orders?"
"We kill them!" yelled Mike, drawing his sword.
"Well I would have if you'd let me," said Lee, "but because of your stupid chain of command, they have now escaped."
"Ah, yes, so I see."
Hours later, the crew were walking through the streets of some random town in Brazil that nobody has ever heard of, including me (Mr Author guy). They now wore only their clothes, after more Brazilian kids robbed them of their armour and weapons.
"So what would David Beckham do?" asked George.
"He'd have an affair with his Brazilian secretary, and then use the "emotional stress" as an excuse for being shit at football," Matt explained.
"True. But what would Mr T do?" Lee asked.
"He'd pity the fool," said George.
"Haven't we already done that one?" asked Mike.
"This is getting us nowhere!" screamed Lee.
"Perhaps I could help?" said a mystery voice. Turning around they saw a woman standing before them.
"It's legendary voice actress Jennifer Hale!" screamed Matt, sinking to his knees.
"Hail Hale!" yelled George, saluting. Lee and Mike tried to slap them, but failed, instead miraculously kicking them in the gonads, driving them to the ground in pure agony.
"Come on, guys, she's not THAT wonderful," said Lee.
"Excuse me?" said Jennifer. "I think you'll find that I AM THAT wonderful."
"Of course she is," said Mike. "Cos she just offered to help. What can you do to help us?"
"Nothing really, I just wanted to distract you whilst those Brazilian children rob your clothes from you."
The crew looked down to find themselves wearing only heir boxer shorts (Well, Lee was wearing a thong, but who wants to know that? Oops).
Jennifer set off at a run, and the crew followed her.
They ran through the streets, trying their hardest to avoid colliding with the Brazilian pedestrians. Of course, being the failure crew, they failed to avoid them, and instead ended up running down the wrong street. They continued to run, failing to realise just which direction to go. They had almost given up when suddenly they found themselves in an airport.
"Well that was a stroke of luck, wasn't it?" said Matt.
"Not really, look over there," pointed Mike. Jennifer Hale's aeroplane was driving straight towards them. Looking around, George realised the crew were actually ON the runway.
"Guys, we're on the runway!" he screamed.
"We know, we just realised that." said Mike.
"Hang on, where's Lee?" Matt asked.
"He's over there hotwiring a jet fighter," Mike told him, pointing to a hanger. 3 seconds later, it exploded, throwing sheets of metal and shrapnel all across the runway.
"Oh my God," screamed Mike.
"Yeah, I can't believe Lee's dead!" said George.
"Not that, you idiot," Mike corrected him. "There's an ice cream van over there!"
"Wow, that's so cool!" gasped Matt.
"Hang on," George interrupted. "Lee's over there by that ice cream van!"
"What!?!" yelled Mike. "Then who was in that hanger that exploded?"
"That was the Brazilian football team," said Lee, walking over without an ice cream.
"Where's your ice cream, Lee?" asked George.
"I failed to remember we have no money," Lee explained. "Also, they refused to serve a man dressed only in a thong."
Well who's in the aeroplane?" asked Matt?
"That, ladies and gentlemen, is the legendary Jennifer Hale." said George.
"Oh yeah, I remember." Mike agreed.
"Now, let's get on a plane for England."
The Knights of the Failed Table
Part 5: Hang on, I swear there was supposed to be something about the failure crew joining Brazil's football team
Where's that? What the fuck happened to them joining Brazil's football team, eh? This is just fucked up. The author of this shitty story can't even name a fucking chapter right. I swear these people will be the death of me.
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