The Knights of the Failed Table
By George Phillips AKA Beavis Core AKA Dr Screwupalot.
Chapter 5: Hang on, I swear there was supposed to be something about the failure crew joining Brazil's football team
Where's that? What the fuck happened to them joining Brazil's football team, eh? This is just fucked up. The author of this shitty story can't even name a fucking chapter right. I swear these people will be the death of me.
The crew, dressed only in their underwear, found it a challenge to get tickets for a plane. However, after they announced that they were at war with the infidel English, many Brazilians leapt forward to assist them. A kind old man gave them clothes, and an old lady suffering from leprosy gave them some suits of armour and swords, that her children had stolen from 4 unknown complete and utter losers.
Once aboard the plane, they were bundled in amongst the cargo, which just happened to be homosexuals, being taken away to McDonald's England HQ to be turned into their new recipe burgers. Finally, after all of the long detour, they were at England.
Lee quickly ran into McDonalds to purchase a new "McGayburger", which the sign said was made from 100% pure beef. No homosexuals in that, then? Also, he purchased his favourite drink, kum juice, to wash it all down. Apparently, it was all made from the "milk of the best bulls in the land.
"Hang on, bulls don't give milk, cows do!" exclaimed Matt.
"Wow, McDonalds must have magical bulls!" George gasped.
"I want one," Mike sighed.
After many hours of wandering through London, they finally arrived at Buckingham Palace. Fortunately for the crew, the palace guards were distracted by their friend Batman, who was climbing the side of the palace with a big sign. They snuck past the gate, and entered the back door.
Once they were inside, however, the door slammed shut behind them.
"Nice to see you, fools!" yelled a familiar voice. Behind them stood Mr T and the Queen.
"Mr T!" cheered Lee. "Let's get down to business!"
"No, niggers, you've been had," laughed her majesty.
"Failos has long been a thorn in our side, fools," Mr T explained, "and now we've just taken you out!"
"Damn you Mr T!" screamed Matt. "We loved you!"
"My heart still belongs to George," Mike smiled. George slowly stepped away from his captain, and into the guards who were standing behind them.
"Well, fools, it was nice knowing you."
"Even nicer to see you being taken away to your deaths, you little shits!" Elizabeth chuckled, leering at them.
As the guards led them away, Lee whispered to Mike.
"What can we do?" he asked the King.
"I don't know," Mike sighed, and thought to himself. "Fail?"
"Perfect idea," grinned Lee. "Excuse me guards, I must quickly tie my shoelaces."
"Don't be stupid," said one guard. "That's the oldest trick in the book. We already checked and you don't have any shoelaces."
"Damn. Well then permit me to dance for you."
Lee began to dance, whilst George carefully crept away from the group.
"George, where are you going?" asked Matt. "Lee's dancing, you have to see it!"
"No you fool!" Mike yelled. "Lee's distracting them so George can escape! Run George, run!"
George tried to run, but tripped over, landing on the floor in a heap.
Mike hung his head in shame. The guards pounced on George, burying him under their wait. All the rest of the crew could hear were George's screams of agony.
"Lee, that's enough dancing," said Mike. "You've failed to keep them occupied."
"I stopped dancing 20 seconds ago!" Lee screamed. "I'm having a seizure!"
Lee flailed about helplessly in his spasm, until he collided with a large suit of armour. It wobbled, and then collapsed on Lee, George and the guards. The guards were killed instantly, but the 2 crew members failed to die. All that Mike and Matt could hear were Lee and George's cries of pain.
After helping George and Lee out of the wreckage, the crew drew their swords and charged through the palace, killing all of the palace guards they met along the way.
Finally, they entered the Queens chambers.
The Knights of the Failed Table
Part 6: The next failure of many to come.
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